It's starting to dawn on me that this project theme is a little flawed. Home, is something I think of positively, it's a warm, comforting idea that t the start of the project, I would of loved to develop and enjoyed the idea of sharing how I feel about it with other people.
At this time in my life, right now, I don't feel like being positive. I'm at a stage where I'm constantly feeling sorry for myself with my back pain.
On a logistical level, it's hard for me to work, I've thankfully come up with the ingenious idea of using my ironing board as a table high enough so I can work standing up so my back isn't in awkward (genius, I know) and although its not the most stable platform, it's doing the job. Even with this though, I do have to hunch over a little, leaving me only being able to work for an hour or so and then pacing about the flat again.
On a mental level, I'm not in a happy place, I'm constantly moping about my back to be honest with you don't really feel like drawing happy, cute drawings of my lovely little village. I'm moody, and depressed and in pain (and on codeine on bad days) and when I do draw, it doesn't feel right using ideas that are not mine but what I want to show as mine.
Today, I'd had enough. I wanted to paint how my body was feeling.
Grey, glum and nostalgic to a time when it didn't take me 10 minutes to pick up something I've dropped.
I don't know how the watercolours are going to go down with the tutors but this is the most honest and best thing I can do right now.
And, it's all your going to get.